We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I am one with the molecules
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
