You're earring is so big in my mouth
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
