I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
