i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
