Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Who put my cat in the fridge?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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