haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
