also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
