I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
