i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
