he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
