____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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