A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
its liver damage thursday
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