So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
