We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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