didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize