So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
