he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
