So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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