Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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