If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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