Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
