could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Randomize
