Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
