hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
