if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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