Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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