My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
