you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
