so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
love makes seman taste better
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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