My room smells like vodka and shame
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
