Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
