You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
