Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize