Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
