She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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