I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
