As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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