dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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