i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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