I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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