we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
