I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
