Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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