This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
