i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
