Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
