You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize