you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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