forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
