Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
