So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
