I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
