I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
