Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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