Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
