i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
