at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
