you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
