wat bout pragnant strippers??
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
