and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
