I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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