I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I need to calm my uterus...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
