so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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