I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
