How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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