Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
