So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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