it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
