FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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