yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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