He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
