Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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