guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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