He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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