U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
