found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
