you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
