Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
