why didn't you poke me back
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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