I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
