Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
