I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize